To me, travel is like a long tunnel. A wide open archway leading to a place where time and distance reveal the hidden treasures at the other side. It is rather like Einstein's equivalence principle, in that the drive to Washington, the pull to get me to the other side of that tunnel (where I wanted to stay) was equal to the pull of California and my responsibilities wanting to keep me at home.
Luckily for me, my mother insisted that Brian and I attend this family reunion, and as usual, she was right. As soon as Sonoma County was just a blur in the distance of Interstate 5 I felt myself letting go of the burdens I had been carrying around for such a long time. I love staring out a window lost in thought for hours at a time. To watch the different paintings of people's lives unfold before my eyes through the clear canvas of a car window.
Northeren California is yellow at this time of year and the dried grass looks like soft brissles of a boar's brush. Oregon is green, like dew covered valleys in the morning. Washington is dark green, vibrant and full of strength in trees and mountains. Washington bellows.
This part of my family nessles itself in Olympia, Tacoma, Lacey and Southern Seattle. The reunion was at a golf course club house in Olympia - not far from the Hams brewery. Everything is lush and green, and the weather is warm. Washington feels like a soft sweater about my shoulders.
My mother took care of everything, wanting me to relax and not think of any details. Usually I would have issue with this, but this time I just let her orchestrate my trip like a concert master of a great symphonic performance. And for a brief time I was able to let other people take care of me (and Brian) and feel what it is like to be a kid again in summer. No cares, and plenty of cousins to play with. It turned out to be the perfect gift for my 45th birthday.
With this side of my family (the Backman's) there is always an adventure when we get together. Our "gatherings" have been going on since I was about 8. There is usually no less than 80 people who travel from the far corners to give hugs and kisses. Ever since 1979 when a group of us cousins got lost on the river north of Fallon Nevada and missed my Big Uncle Bud's 2nd wedding (where one of the cousins was suppose to be the best man), it seems I am now always a part of the latest hilarity that happens when we get together.
There is a bond between a group of us cousins that connects like old championship teamates who once won some great sporting event many decades ago. I think it is difficult for some of the wives and husbands of the cousins to fully understand the bond. Especially since we are not blood cousins, but don't you dare say that in front of this crew. To the Backman's we are true blue - blood family stock and it's fightin words if you say otherwise.
The family reunion was actually my Aunt Alice and Uncle Bill's 50th wedding Anniversary celebration. Their 5 sons and 1 daughter (along with her own brothers and sisters) decided to have a surprise family reunion party and get us all togther to help celebrate their constant devotion to eachother. Yes, this did also include plenty of wine and beer.
Oh yes...and golf.
Aunt Alice's and Uncle Bill's boys are Randy, Ron, Rick, Ray and Rob. I didn't know them much in my younger years, since they grew up in the Lacey area and I was down in California. They did manage to make it to at least one family function every year or two. Six years ago we threw a surprise 80th birthday party for big Uncle Bud in Fallon Nevada, and Aunt Alice and Uncle Bill came down with only one son - Ron.
Ron...oi.
Ron was without his wife who keeps him under a tight reign, and Brian was on a camping trip with his dad. After Big Uncle Bud's birthday party most of the family went out gambling. When they had their fill of losing money, they decided to go back to the hotels....except for Ron and I. We opted to stay at the casino and go dancing. This was soon to be known as the "Ron - and Catherine - out - all - night - with - the - parents - in - their - pjs - and curlers - out - looking - for - them" escapade. Ron and I were both in our late 30's,,,
It was one of the most fun nights of my life. There were 5 Navy cadets gambling near us and one won 2500 on the slots. Ron loves to dance (just like me) and the cadet that won offered to pay the cab to take us to a live music dance club. Ron and I raced to the cab, which took us to the club on the outskirts of town. We ended up dancing all night....almost non-stop...with only eachother. The cadets thought we were married. I will never forget their faces when we said we were cousins. I am sure they felt we must be from Alabama...
Me being from California, and Ron from Washington we figured we'd leave after 'last call'. Little did we realize we were in Nevada where clubs serve alcohol 24/7 and the bands play until 4am. The dance floor was made of hard wood and stretched across half the club. We were definately in the wild west. People smoked in the club, so a soft haze filled the darkness giving the room that sultry effect. It was a perfect place to get lost in dancing. Ron is a great dancer, most unusual for a white boy from Washington. Then again, he is also a brilliant geek brain who shaves his head and thinks he's "all that".
He is kind, sexy and fun. So I suppose he is "all that" for the most part. Shhhhhhh. Just don't tell him I wrote it here. Luckily he doesn't have this blog address...yet.
I have only seen Ron once since that fatefull night 6 years ago. He came down for the OTHER Uncle Bud and Aunt Marge's 50th wedding Anniversary 4 years ago. (yes, I come from a long line of family who stays married - except me and my brother). Ron greeted me then with a big hug and kiss, but this time I couldn't stay long. I had a friend's wedding to attend and needed to leave right away. We were still the talk of the family...the all night adventure in Fallon. (Our parents went to the local police department in PJ's and when the officer found out Ron and my ages he sent them home and told them to go to bed...).
In Olympia on Saturday, Aunt Alice and Uncle Bill were shocked when they walked into the clubhouse and 100 of their friends and family yelled, "SURPRISE!" Alice buried her face in her hands and began to cry. Once again, even with all the distractions (and his wife) Ron found his way to stand near me, and then kiss me hello. He is brave, I'll give him that.
Every time I looked up he was smiling at me from across the room. If I was standing with cousins, he would come and stand next to me. This must have made his wife oh so happy. It was odd for me because I have been very tired and not myself these past two years. He looks at me like I am the same crazy fun laughing girl that went out dancing with him that special night. His eyes sparkle and light up, full of myschief, as if to say "I really know you, and I like you".
When men do this I have a tendancy to pull away. This reunion was no different, and I went outside numerous times to check on Brian and the kids. They were all hitting balls on the drving range right outside the window. Believe it or not, I often take the path of least resistance and try to remove myself from any equasion that makes me uncomfortable. I couldn't have tried harder not to be interesting. When the party ended, Aunt Alice invited everyone to her and Bill's home. Great...now I have to be in really close quarters with everyone...
I brought along the book KB gave me about women writers and settled into a far corner of Alice's home and began reading. After the 70th "What are you reading???" I realized I was attracting more attention - not less by reading. I went into the kitchen and pulled up a chair with my favoritecousin Kathy's husband Pat, who was bummed that my brother had chosen not to come up. Pat and my brother once worked togther at my father's old company. We talked construction, my brother and family. He is a nice guy and I adore Kathy.
While sitting there, Ron's wife decides to get down a bottle of tequilla and insists that all the women in the house do shots. NO WAY for me. I looked at Pat with one of those "You have GOT to be kidding me" glances and he laughed. Out come the shot glasses. I did not participate and Ron's wife tried to force the issue. Ron was laying down in Alice's bedroom with a headache and I so get why. Several of my female cousins downed shots.
The next thing I know, one cousin's wife, who just turned 40 and is having a hard time growing older, began telling everyone about her plastic surgeries. Yes, and the boob job. Next thing I know, Ron's wife and this cousins wife are lifting their blouses in my Aunt's kitchen comparing breasts. OH LORD, this is when I have to exit stage left, because if you knew my Aunties and Uncles this was soooooo not okay. BIG TIME, and I'll be damned if I was going to be involved in any way in this new side of these women.
I often wonder what is happening here, where women in their 40's feel the need to compete with women in their 20's and treat their bodies in an exhibiting manner. Is there no grace in growing old, and loving our lives as they are, and our bodies for what they have acomplished? My body survived a near death experience at birth and produced Brian, We stopped breathing together and then came back with a vegence. Where are the men baring their penis' for us to view and compare?
Where is the true art that is a woman's body? The gentle softness, our ability to bring forth life? At 45 I am the product of the survival of my life. If I were Joan of Arc i would be painted and written about for ages to come. Do I erase the images of my amazing life with plastic surgury and then flash the new created me before strangers to see?
If I could have photographed Pat's expression it would have said everything. He looked at me, I looked at him and I started to laugh. I only wish my older brother would have been there, because I know he would have had a comment that would have put Pat and I on the floor. I leaned into Pat's ear, "I am out of here", He laughed and said "I should follow". I didn't wait to see. I went out to the porch where everyone else was and asked my mom for her keys. I told her I was tired and wanted to take Brian and little Megan back to the hotel to go swimming.
She handed over the keys and told me Aunt Dorothy would give her a ride back. I rounded up Megan and Brian who were thrilled to be leaving. As I excellerated the car up the street towards the hotel, it begins to die. Slowly I come to a complete stop at the side of this country road. Thank God for cell phones that work. A little voice from the back seat whispers to Brian "Are we going to die?". Brian turns to Magen, "NO! My mom handles eeverything!". From the mouth of babes...
I call Aunt Alice's and cousin Mitch, Uncle Bill and my mother appear. Mitch and Bill try and jump the car - no good it's dead. Bill calls AAA and Mitch and I remanence about the time we were stuck on that river in Fallon. Bill offers to return me and the kids to the hotel. I glady accept since mosquitos have now decided I am the most delicous thing since pure sugar.
My mothers beautiful car is towed to a mechanic who won't be seen until the 4th of July weekend is over. We are now officially stuck in Washington. I begin dreaming about it being a permanent thing. Bill is upset about the wild exhibitions of some of his nieces and daughter in law. I am gald I left, even if the car was now dead. I joked that this time it was NOT my fault.
The following morning we are back at Aunt Alice and Uncle Bill's to have bloody Mary's, cofee and breakfast. They are also opening cards and gifts. All the family is there, even those set to catch flights. Minus one woman who's husband hauled her back home at 5am - a straight drive from Olympia Washington to Ukiah California. My guess is that she pucked the whole way and wasn't showing anyone her breasts. Does pucking hurt Botox treatments?
Ron brings me a cup of coffee and sits himself down next to me on the porch. I think he likes to push my buttons. It is fun to have the attention, and his wife watches my every move. Suddenly she invites those of us staying to a bar-b-que at her house for the 4th of July and in honor of my birthday. Oh shi* am I really going to his house??? Ron leans over, "You are spending your 45th birthday at my house". Oi. You just can't make this shi* up. The gifts are all open and part of the family is leaving and saying their long goodbyes. We can't believe it's over.
Kathy, Pat, Mitch, Aunt Marge and I want to take Megan and Brian down to the State Capital and the pier for the afternoon. It's an unusually warm sunny day in Olympia. We arrive in time to see farmers market in full swing. Fresh flowers and the smell of the ocean fill the air. Seagulls sing and fishing bells ring. It's Sunday at the pier. I feel like I have arrived at my true home. I stare longingly at the homes arcoss the harbor that line the water's edge like paintings in a gallery. I sigh and take it all in...the sounds, the smell the sights. I don't want to go back home.
Brian and Megan have made their way down to the beach and have discovered the many small crabs that live along the shallow waters at the shore. They squeal with delight as they cup the tiny crustasions up in their hands. Brian wades out into the water, enjoying the feel of the cold sea water between his toes. I could watch the kids forever. Mitch leans over and comments what a great kid Brian is and who would have thought I'd be such a great mom. I laugh as he elbows me.
The day fades into a tranquil ease as if time has lulled itself to sleep. The kids finish the day at the hotel pool and I take a nap. This is what vacation is suppose to feel like. It's the day before my birthday.
I am jolted awake in the morning by Brian's insisting that I open my present and get up. Good lord what time is it? My mother and Brian sing one of those off key Happy Birthdays that make me laugh. I open my gift. It's 50 dollars (that will get spent on Brian) and a gaelic blanket. THis blanket is all my favorite irish colors and is covered in celtic crosses. It's beautiful. My mother sure got this one right.
The phone rings. It's Mitch. It seems we are going to be staying at Alice and Bill's until the car is fixed and Mitch is coming to get us at 11am. From Alice and Bill's home we will be leaving to go to Ron's home for a 4th of July Bar-b-que. Oh lord here we go...
We pack our things, eat a light breakfast and Mitch brings Uncle Bill's truck to carry our travel belongings to Alice and Bill's home. He won't let us lift a thing. Mitch is a sweet man - he always has been. He was the cousin that made sure I was ok at family parties at Uncle Lindy and Aunt Dorothy's Rose Avenue home in Penngrove. He lived in Petaluma back then. He would always come find me as soon as my family arrived, grab my hand and say "Come on Cath, we are all playing on the side of the hill. We've been waiting for you!" and away we'd go. It doesn't surprise me that he has taken over making sure we are ok. He's a great cousin.
Once we are at Alice and Bill's everyone unpacks us so we can't lift a thing. Can I live here permanently? Alice insists it is time for us to go to Ron's. Mitch isn't coming. He's studying to be a radiology tech and has just started his summer session. He's got homework, but leans over and promises Brian that he will be back to take us to see some amazing fireworks later. Thats Mitch, always thinking of others...now its my son.
The drive to Ron's is long and close to Southern Seattle. My Uncle Bill drives us on back roads thatI could never find again if my life depended on it, through a section of homes built in the day when large yards were the norm. We turn a corner and drive up a long narrow street...we are at Ron's home. Lucky for me all of the other relatives left in Washington are arriving at the same time. Thank God for small miracles. There are lots of hellos, laughter and happy birthdays. I am hoping to slip quietly through the front door...
When Ron appears at the doorway with that big grin of his. "Welcome to my home Cathy" he says with a laugh. "This is too surreal and something I never planned on seeing" I whisper to him as I go by. He laughs. Now the woman who kept Ron out all night is in his home. And, I am about to be hanging with his kids. There just isn't a big enough hole for me to dive into...
and...it's my 45th birthday...oi
Ron's wife has been busy preparing a feast, and has managed to have everyone's favorite wine and beer. Ron hands me an ice cold Corona beer. "I know you like this, we bought them in honor of your birthday". I take my beer and go out into his back yard. It's spacious and set up for a party. I sit down with my cousin Kathy on a lawn chair and we clink beers in a toast. Let the birthday officailly begin.
The food and company is wonderful. Megan and Brian play on the hammock. Ron shows them how to sit on it without falling to the ground. Sitting in the kitchen at one point, Ron's brother Randy pulls up a chair and we chat about being divorced. Ron comes in and starts cleaning the kitchen. He hands me a beer, smiles and says, "I can't go dancing with you tonight". We laugh. Randy asks about the car, "How long do you think you will be here?" I look at Randy, "I don't know. Depends on what is wrong...maybe I will just stay and never go back to California". Ron spins around from the sink "That would be fine with us! We'll help you get settled."
If wishes were horses...and I am quite sure his wife would just hate it, even though she has been very kind. She is a ball buster to Ron though - always on his case and bitching. She has now commented several times to everyone that he never wants sex with her. I cringe for Ron. Why do some women act this way, and how does he keep from not killing her? Further more, why does he put up with it? This causes me to realize that our famous dancing all night great time in Fallon now makes perfect sense to me. I squeeze Randy's arm and go back outside. Ron's 19 year old daughter is painting her nails. She looks up, smiles and says, "Want me to paint your toenails for your birthday?" She's cute. "Sure" I say, and sit down across from her.
While my toes are drying, Ron's daughter sneeks into the kitchen and puts a candle in a brownie, lights it and brings it outside. Everyone sings happy birthday. Megan and Brian race to blow out the one candle. I want time to stop. It's an unusually sunny day and the puffy clouds in the sky are "ocean clouds"...my favorite, and the type one only sees near the ocean.
Aunt Alice says it is time to go. They want to make sure Brian doesn't miss the fireworks show Mitch has planned. My time at Ron's home is over. Pat, Kathy, Megan and Aunt Marge are leaving for the airport to fly back to Santa Rosa. More of the family is going back home. It is all going by like a fast train - too fast. We say our goodbyes and I hug Ron. It's one of those 'I don't know when I'll see you again' hugs that conveys much more than the simple, solid hug. The next thing I know we are back in Uncle Bill's car traveling back over the same roads towards Lacey. I won't be seeing Ron anytime soon, and for the first time, it bothers me.
