MORE HASHIMOTOS STORIES

Towards the end of my thyroid hell, when Doctors were still attempting to figure out what was wrong with me, I dated this guy, Bill who was sure my illness was all in my head.  I dropped him like a burning frying pan handle to the floor.  I knew it wasn't in my head.

Mary Shoman, a crusader for people suffering from Thyroid disease manages a web site to raise awareness about this particular type of auto-immune disease.  I often go out to her web site for support, understanding and the knowledge that there are others out there who suffer just as I have.  It is wonderful to know one is not alone in this disease.

In Mary's push to get Oprah to pay attention to this disease (still unsuccessfully), she posted stories from women who suffer from this disease.  I found a partner in symptoms from this article posted at:

http://thyroid.about.com/cs/publicawareness/l/bloprahletters.htm:  (<<--click here)

"I am a highly intelligent woman who spent my youth coasting through school, taking all the top honors classes but never having to study to make my straight A+ grades. I graduated at the top of my class with twice as many honors credits as any of my peers. I had participated in so many extracurricular activities that I earned four separate letter jackets! My bedroom was filled with my trophies and awards.

On a full academic scholarship, I headed off to college where I majored in math. It was just as easy as high school; I rarely had to study to earn top grades even though I also worked part time. I graduated Magna Cum Laude and was active in numerous clubs and social service groups throughout my college years. I married an Air Force officer and happily moved across the country with him.I worked part time and served on the board of our Officers' Wives Club; as a matter of fact, I held THREE board positions and wrote 2 different articles (on 2 different topics) for our monthly magazine (as well as being the asst editor). My life was rich and full and I never felt too busy or overwhelmed. It was easy..."

Please click on the link and read her full story.  It frightens me how much our stories are alike.  My closest friends will recognize me there.  The years of suffering, thinking I was going mad.  I think the problem was there for years, as working out made me tired and I worked out every day.  I chose night work outs because the exertion would exhaust me and help me to sleep.  Patrick thought I was crazy, able to work out an hour and a half every night before bed.  We should have guessed my metabolism was nuts.  I should have weighed 100 pounds. 

Please learn about Hashimotos and thyroid disease.  You may be able to help a woman you love, be it your wife, mother, daughter, sister, girlfriend... who is suffering needlessly not understanding what is happening to them.  My dearest friends know how I fought with the doctors to find out what was wrong and make it right.  Disease to me means that our bodies are out of sorts and without the knowledge of what is wrong we cannot support our bodies in a way that promotes healing.

I take liquid high dose vitamins everyday and make sure I rest.  I take my thyroid meds at the same time every morning and I track what is happening with my body and then give my notes to my doctors.  They either think I am the best or worst patient they have ever had.

So I am on a mission to let people see how a single mother deals with life while fighting a disease, raising a boy and living life through this blog. I never want anyone to go through what I have gone through - ever.  Maybe my blog will help just one person out there...

C

http://journals.aol.com/rapieress/Aweekinthelife/

http://www.aweekinthelifeofaredhead.com

Tags: http://www.aweekinthelifeofaredhead.com, Hashimotos Disease

TAMPONS WILL NOW MAKE GOOD CHRISTMAS TREE...

This online journal is like a long winding river which flows from a mountain peak, finding the path of least resistance as it travels back to its source, often running high and wild, other times still and almost dry.  It has been a week since I have done significant writing of any type.  For shame.  This would be known as the "river is dry" period...

I was a good girl this week and rested, restoring my energy.  I am getting better at managing my Hashimotos.  However...

I am in menopause.  TA DA. There, I said it.  Actually I am glad, as I understand that often menopause allows the thyroid to return to normal function, so maybe I will get lucky...?  This menopause thing is a new development.  Will I be sad not to have more children?  No, I love Brian and he fills my soul.  Besides, obviously my thyroid problem made getting pregnant difficult these past 25 years. 

Alas, FINALLY I am warm - let's throw a party.  We can make tampon angels and burn them...

Felicita's memorial service was Saturday.  We said our formal goodbyes to the end of an era.  My niece leaves for Boulder Colorado August 15th.  I wonder how much I will see these kids in the next 20 years....

La nostra pietra di paragone italiana e anddata.

C

http://journals.aol.com/rapieress/Aweekinthelife/

SETBACKS

{Sigh} I have gone and done it to myself. 

This crash started about on Thursday when the heat wave began.  It was a stressful week.  The old aching from my toes to my head crept back with a vengence.  I ignored it, and ran out of my thyroid meds on Thursday.  I skipped Friday's dose and told myself I'd get around to refilling the prescription at the pharmacy up the street.  I mean, come on, I have been doing so well...

I suffer from my own pride of still not fully admitting that I must take extreme good care of myself.  I am not able to treat my life, and my body like I once did.  It has a mind of its own and brings me to my knees when I disobey.

When the nights are miserable and I am in severe pain caused by exhaustion and no recovery, depression settles in as I realize I am still fighting this dreaded thyroid condition.

I went to the pharmacy after my third nap today, and took the pills right at the counter.  My throat hurts terribly where my thyroid is located and it is difficult to swallow.  Now I must rest and try to recover, with lots of water, vitamins and soup.

Sunday I am suppose to help McYummy start his own blog and we were going to discuss the next step in my book...a whole day of artistic creating.  Now, all I feel like doing is sleeping.  It is times like this I wish I had an older relative on a ranch that could invite me out to stay a piece.  I'd rest, walk among the fields, write and be taken care of.

But alas, I do not.  Ebet usually does this for me, but I have not been able to make the trip to Folsom.  There is no way I could handle driving myself the three hours to get to her now.  She is also dealing with her own troubles at this time, and I would be in the way.

These are the times I do miss living with a man, one who could run things so I could take a break.  Although many of my friends complain that their men never take care of them when they are sick and the house just falls apart.  I think often men do more than we realize, they just don't do it "our way" so we don't give them their proper due.

I did manage a birthday dinner for my mother Friday evening.  SHe told me it looked like I had one shoulder lower than the other.  HUH?  Why do mothers do this to their daughters?  Why not just tell me my ass is sagging?  She did point out the bruises on my legs.  I think she forgets I am raising a boy, and I tackle a large garden.  My thoughts were "I AM EXHAUSTED - CAN"T YOU SEE??" but I didn't express them.  I just continued preparing the trout with my hump shoulder, sagging ass and bruises...

Thank god for the men who tell me I am pretty - including my son.  Yes people, I have asked my mother many times to stop, but she does not.  I can't be perfect, so I stopped trying a long time ago.  My mother forgets I gave up that quest.

I have taken three Alleve, a Sominex and a large glass of water ... hopefully I can now retire and get some sleep in the hopes I can recover enough to see McYummy and take another step forward to my dreams.

I'll try counting hump shouldered sheep...

C

http://journals.aol.com/rapieress/Aweekinthelife/

LEAD FEATHERS

Well, knock me over with a feather.  My niece sent me a thank you for coming to her graduation and for the gifts.  I bought her a small white gold bracelet strung with hearts.  I also bought her a book.  I told her to take the bracelet away to college and whenever she is homesick to put it on and look at the hearts and remember that she is loved by many.  The book was letters from famous women to their young selves and I wrote a quote on the inside dedicated just for her. 

I do love her very much, and I think she is finally beginning to see that my mother, brother and myself have always steadfastly been there for her.  We don't show it with money - we show it with our deeds.  I think she was clouded by the divorce and is beginning to see that it takes two to make or break a relationship. 

I realized upon opening her thank you that it was the first written note I have ever received from her.  The thank you was heartfelt as she discussed the bracelet and what it meant and had started reading the book with fascination.

I am looking forward to writing her at college.  She asked me for care packages.  I thought it would be fun to write her about my life with Brian and Boonie and enclose fun goofy stuff from Brian, along with tampons, shampoo and hair products.  You know, the things we always run out of in college that are a bitch to pay for. 

She is going off to Colorado to study Nutrition to become a Nutritionist.  She is wicked enough smart to be a Scientist or an Engineer.  When i point this out to my mother, she raises one brow and says "Yes, she is a lot like you."  Ok, I get it.  I was a bitch and when everyone thought I would become this journalist I went off and studied marketing and moved in with Rich into our new home.  No one could tell me a thing.  So it is in the DNA then...?...

... I hear some faint yeses echoing in the distance...

C

http://journals.aol.com/rapieress/Aweekinthelife/

DEAR DIARY

It's funny the emails and comments I get about this blog.  People forget it is my diary online.  Paper diaries don't follow a particular line, often are written in different inks and penmanship varies from day to day.  It is the same online.  Some days are boring, some funny, and others are sad.  Each entry strings together to create a mental photo in time of a persons thoughts on any given day.

Some days are too busy to write.  I am working out everyday and back to meditating.  Brian's summer has begun and managing his days is another part time job in itself.  An x boss and good friend has come to work at the office.  There is laughter in my days.

McYummy ran a marathon in LA this past weekend.  We are both making strides with our dreams.  I fear his book may get published first and this could really piss me off (laugh).  KIDDING.

Dale, my other x boss and our broker came up for a visit. A group of us went to lunch.  Steph met him and whispered "Wow he'd be perfect for you".  Ha ha.  I do agree, except he is a happily married man who is very committed to his family.  He is like Monopoly money to me.  He does take good care of me, and sometimes it is better to have great men as friends so we don't fu** it up and loose them.  Savvy?

It's interesting how I now find myself surrounded by quality men and my x husband even stepped up to the plate.  Maybe I had to get sick to be vulnerable enough to allow in a different type of man (or MEN) to my life.  Even my girlfriends are a wonderful, brilliant selective few.  I don't want to go back to what was around before.

My x husband observes, "The men you have dated (that I have seen) all seem like angry men with a chip on their shoulder and a couple of your female friends did too".  Well, I suppose it would take one to know one, but I'd have to agree.  He has commented that it is good to see that I have improved my standards.  Well...one could only go up (laugh).  But really I just stopped caring and got on with getting well, pursuing a dream and focusing on Brian.  Everything else just seemed to fall into place.

Ok, unless it falls apart.

HA!

C

http://journals.aol.com/rapieress/Aweekinthelife/

MENTAL LETTER TO SELF

Life is not a fairy tale, but I think the possibility exists for boys as they escape the confines of the classroom and run gleefully into long summer days.

Summer is the magical fairy tale for boys.  They can spend hours killing ants, swimming to explore Atlantis, invade countries from the backyard and win the world series with a handful of neighborhood kids and rocks for bases.

This fairy tale started for Brian at exactly 2:30pm on Friday with the sound of a school bell.  School is out for the summer.

His father drove him to a party and sleep over in Napa as I attended my nieces graduation from high school ... and probably the beginning of her fairy tale ...life away from high school.  We think we are set free when we graduate from high school - HA.

I am not one for regrets, because it wastes precious time in the present.  I gave my niece this book where women wrote letters to their younger selves.  If I were to write my younger, just-out-of-high-school self what would I say?  I think I'd say:

Dear Catherine,

Study the Arts.  You are talented and creative and after 19 years of ballet you know staging, props, stage make-up, and projection.  You have a beautiful singing voice.  You should - you have been voice trained for six years and sang in one of the top high school choirs.  Take some acting classes.  Try out for the theatre group.  Study the writing of stage plays.  Write one about redheads. Be less afraid.  Care less about boys.  Don't take college courses that please your mother.  You can't make her happy again after your father's death and you will hate your college courses.  She will be happy again on her own and marry Santa Claus.  You will be happy again too - so will your brother.  Embrace your creative side. 

Guess what?  You are so damn skinny a good wind could blow you away.  That isn't fat you see - it's in your head. But you don't see the thin do you?  Wear your beautiful red hair like a badge of courage.  Stay away from the party crowd - keep that freckled head in your books.  Keep Rich as a friend or you will spend seven years going in a circle.  Try and work for ACT in San Francisco.  You have beautiful breasts and pretty feet.

Save your money for a trip to Europe before you get married.  You will cancel the trip before college, so go later.  Don't keep putting it off.  I cannot tell you not to marry Terry, because you will want to, because of your future son Brian (who you will love more than you ever thought possible).  You will be a great mom and love being one.  Have separate bank accounts and credit though.  Make sure you have good job for all of your married life. Expect to be the one that does it all and either accept it, or get out early.

You will be great at computers - who knew?  Buy Nike, Dell and Microsoft stock.  Don't date the US Treasury Agent.  Choose the Engineer at Morrison Knudsen over Rich.  Once divorced, don't waste your time with Patrick.  Don't date married men or any man who is just out of a relationship.  You will learn this late in life if you don't.

Skip working in corporate America.  They will suck the life out of you.  Creativity doesn't fit in their square box.  Besides, people will work 65 hours a week and invest in pensions only to have a food company buy and sell them off.  Go elsewhere for employment.  Rats looking for cheese have abetter life than a cubicle corporate executive.

You have a wicked sense of humor and are great fun.  Be fussy as to who you share this with.  A girl KB may come along and change your life, along with Elisabet and Stephanie.  You will treasure Laura forever.  Have more girlfriend parties....make June come.

I don't have to tell you to love and honor your mother, Catherine - you always have.  She will always be there for you.  She loves you more than you know.  You are not responsible for her.  Ignore your brother's sharp tongue early.  He will never really get over your Father's death.  It will be hardest on him - give him a wide berth.  If you can introduce him to Lily's friend Teresa before he gets married or Teresa gets married, then they are a match for each other.  Otherwise, drive him to the airport to stop Diana from leaving.  If he won't go, take your mother and the two of you go to the airport.  She will forever be "the one that got away".

You will always miss your Father.  There is nothing you can do about that, but once Brian is born, you learn to open up and let your heart be vulnerable again.  Santa Claus will walk you down the isle - how can that be bad?

Love,

Your older Catherine

PS.  OHH!! Have your thyroid checked for the antibodies that cause Hashimotos.  This could save you volumes with your health.

http://journals.aol.com/rapieress/Aweekinthelife/

OK...SO CAN I RANT?

Maybe I am pmsing...who knows.

Or this is just redheaded attitude.

But, for many years now, I thank God regularly that I am not raising a girl.  I have a niece ... the only niece I will ever have ... and she sometimes pisses me off.

She is graduating from high school Friday night.

I know girls go through this "I know everything.  I am wonderful.  Bow down you mere foolish people and honor me" stage, but my issue with my niece has to do with her treatment of those I love dearly.  Sometimes I just want to ask her if she really knows how much my broher, mother and myself have loved her over the years.

Her treatment of my mother can be disrespectful.  Out of respect for my mother I haven't yanked her out in the backyard at a family function and told her what I think of her attitude towards my mom.  But then she is just at this age where she doesn't see it.

However, my mother saw her own father die at age three, survived the great depression, put herself through college, became an RN, lost my little sister, buried my father, buried her mother, buried her step father, buried her second husband and put both me and my brother through college.  She witnessed our house cat of 15 years get run over by a car and saw her flopping body stuck to the pavement.  She ran and got a shovel and put our cat out of her misery, then sat down on the curb and cried.  She is a saint in my book and I want to ring my nieces neck when she dismisses her.

The latest has to do with graduation invitations.  My niece never sent one to my mother ... or to me for that matter.  My mother is really hurt.  We are talking a straight A student here.  I was a straight A student and I made sure that my family was invited to my graduation.  I personally took the time to write little handwritten notes in each invitation and told them how they helped me through the years growing up.  I am hoping when she is away at college she begins to see her family in a different light.  We are not the enemy.

Meanwhile, my own son finishes 5th grade tomorrow and is invited (along with me) to a party in Napa that I would rather attend with people who love us more than my niece.  My brother called tonight asking that I come to his daughter's graduation - trying to mend the holes she has shot through his family's importance.  So, for my brother I will go.  I would go to hell for him - and if you have sat through any long graduation ceremonies lately you might think you have been the fiery dungeon.  Besides, this is only a teenage phase with my niece and there is much to admire about her.  I would feel bad if I hurt her over not being at her graduation - it's just the way I am.

***

Before I even finish the rant I have a comment from V.  I did the nice Aunt thing, forgave her past digressions and went.  Yes ... I did buy gifts ... and no, one wasn't a manners book.  I do understand this age with girls.  My niece graduated in the top 10% in the state of California.  Brains she has got.  What she will do with them will be interesting to see.

Hopefully she will grow up and come back around to be a wonderful human being again.  Soon, she is off to Colorado to college.

Oh... to be starting out in life.

C

http://journals.aol.com/rapieress/Aweekinthelife/

 

HEREEEEEEEEEEEEE'SSSSSS JOHNNY

http://www.evite.com/pages/invite/viewInvite.jsp?inviteId=PEMRAVKPCOEKRAXDYANH&li=iq&src=email&trk=aei6 (<<--click here)

Ah...now he could eat crackers in my bed any day... SAVVY?

C

http://journals.aol.com/rapieress/Aweekinthelife/

TO HEALTH AND WARMTH

The past couple of days a heat spell hovers like a warm blanket.  Heat is sensual to me.  I toss and turn upon my silk sheets, thinking all kinds of redheaded thoughts.  I could drive a man wild in this weather.  Warm weather is my turn on - my sexual aphrodisiac.  Of course, I have to love the guy - otherwise the fantasies in my head are better.  So guys ...leave me alone on this one.

It's funny, because Hashimoto's symptoms are a low body temperature and most of the time I am freezing cold.  The warm weather comes and it washes over me like a warm bath and suddenly I feel alive.  I do wonder if it is all somehow interconnected and the doctors haven't figured it out yet.

When I have one of my extreme cold spells (where even a hot shower will not warm me) I pull a thick blanket over me and cover the heat vent.  The hot air fills the blanket like a hot air balloon with me in the middle.  The coldness depresses and exhausts me and I fall asleep over the heater.  About an hour later I wake up, warm and feeling better.  It is the oddest thing.  Like a diabetic needing insulin, I need to raise my body temperature.  Both are auto-immune diseases.

I love the feel of sweat on my brow and the urge to strip to the minimum.  I walk barefoot through everything and play my favorite music.  I catch myself singing and dancing.

C

http://journals.aol.com/rapieress/Aweekinthelife/

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FRIDAY NIGHT

Champagne...
Dinner, with laughter
Sensuality
Fun
Walking sweetly
Bumping into
Old friends
Beer...
Talk, with laughter
Innocence
Fun
Walking sweetly
Falling into
New sheets

NIGHT TIME GIRL TALK

Look at me... lately ... I am just not writing...

I suppose this happens to writers some times.  Believe it or not I am a fairly private person so there are chunks of my life I don't write here.  Some of it is about protecting my son other times I just don't want to write about it all.

Plus, oddly enough ... I have been busy.  Be proud.  I painted the bathroom.  I restored my gardens to indisputable beauty.  I work out everyday - yes everyday.  Brian and I finished his last school project. The loan business is booming.  Where is my time to write?

So, the meds are working.  TA DA.  T3 is the secret panacea of thyroid restoration in my book.  I wonder how many untold others become as sick as I was and never receive proper medical attention.  It was my anger, study, persistence and refusal to stay with treatments that slowly pulled me up from the hell I was sliding into.

I am not quite back, but I am better.  The brain fog is gone, the endless need to sleep, the painful fatigue and joint ache and weight gain are all becoming a distant memory.

[Hang on - have to take a break - girlfriend J instant Messeges me]

 J:  You there?
Me:  Yes, just writing to Sex and The City
J:  oh, wow, don't let me stop you!

Me:  ...what's up?
J:  someone sent me something, and one line is bothering me, just wondering if it should...it's been in my mind for days... lemme get it
Me:  ok...I am all yours
J:  dang, having trouble opening it
J:  lemme see, there must be a way
J:  it was one of them chain thingies, I don't send them along, never know what they have attached to them these days, but I did glance at this one...and one line just stuck in my brain, I want to get it right...
Me:  what...if you don't send it a redhead will die by Sunday? (some are hoping)
J:  I found the line.  it's about knowing that your love for each other should never be confused by your need of each other.  I'm seriously confused I think.  Something about your love for each other should never be eclipsed by your need for each other, or confused by your need for each other, well I can tell you, I'm a bit confused in general
Me:  and...this is unusual how...?
J:  i have never needed someone to help me as much as I have these last several weeks with my leg casted,a nd being unable to do the most basic things for myself, such as carry my purse or drive. and I'm so happy to have him here to do that for me. I feel angry that I need someone so much, but then I'm happy to have someone there, blessed I guess, but then I think, has my need for him eclipsed by love for him, strange huh?
Me:  so you were thinking..."Is this my sign?"...of the chain gang email...
Me:  feckin chain letters...burn them I say ... you will note men never forward that crap
J:  hahahaha well, it was pages of stuff, and this one jumped out at me, much of it was good stuff, or rather - all of it is, but this one stuck in my head, and I have thought about it often
Me:  oh I am hopeless at all this ... I don't believe in love at first sight ... and I am pretty sure 75% of the world doesn't get what real love is ....and the 25% who do are all women ...so he needs ya or he loves ya...the big question is...is he good in bed
J:  I think you have that on target, I bet you are part of the 25% ;)
Me:  so its pretty much who does a man need, since they don't get the whole love thing ... with them it is "Sex at first sight" - they pretend it is love at first sight and then are shocked when it all crashes and burns.
Me:  lol ... yeah well with my fusiness it could be my next life that I meet my soulmate...he'll prolly be a tree and I'll be a skunk...
J:  you could belike me,settle....and still have to wait until your next life to meet your soulmate! haha!
Me:  lol...I married the "settle" one and look where that got me...
J:  Trust me, I can't call him my soul mate, ya know why, because I don't know what that means.  that's how I know he isn't.  I love him, but that'sa given, soul mate, I don't think I can toss that around this time.I'm not unhappy about it, not searching for it, but have resolved that this is how it is
Me:  I think a soulmate is your best friend in a guy with a bit of passion thrown on top ... its my guess anyway
J:  yes, he's my best friend now, but I can flake that around, passion?  I don't think that's it, [CENSORED FOR J] so there ya go. I don't complain, I have acompanion, but I was thinking that's the status you give each other in your 70's, not this soon! hahaha
Me:  well ... he does carry your purse
J:  HAAAAAAAA when he buys me a box of tampons, then we have arrived, I've just never had to wait this long for that arrival.  I'm off to bed.  I am sorry about Felicita.
Me:  thank you - you got to experience her over the years...remember my wedding shower?
J:  Not as well as I wish I did.

Me:  You brought the cake ...
J:  wow, I hope it was good
Me:  lol...you were late and Felicita told you so ...I think we hid in the corner and drank champagne ...I should have took it as my sign to run.
J:  I don't recall the reprimand, which if I heard it, would stick longer than the icing to my body! hahaha
Me My sister in law hid in her bedroom...It was a classic italian affair
J:  I really do have recall problems.
Me:  so you forget all the men at the bank when we worked there too?
J:  some
Me:  well then see...my shower didn't have any men - that explains it...no worries
J:  some things I recall, like the time the manager told me to get a bra on, and then when Sharon told me my brother looked suspicious
Me:  well come over sometime - I'll fill you in and invent some new stuff that makes me look like the better Teller
J:  sounds good:)
Me:  You've been under amountain of stress for quite a few years now
J:  Mom always said, don't learn to type, you will end up a secretary, maybe it's best you weren't the top Teller then you'd end up like some of those ladies, Teller's until retirement! hahaha
Me:  no - I would have married one of the businessmen that came into bank...even if I had to flash a breast
J:  hahahahah
J:  Nite friend :)

See...we women can laugh at ourselves...

Until next time-

C